Retired

I have come to the conclusion that there is a massive cosmic imbalance. At least in terms of the number of flat tires I have had and had to change when compared to the rest of humanity. I could understand it if I drove through fields of rusty nails and broken glass, or was a maniac with a blatant disregard for curbs and speed bumps etc. However, I am a normal person, I drive on paved roads, I do the speed limit (mostly) and I don't go off-roading and 4x4ing across curbs and cement barriers. Friday was, I'm just guessing, but at the very least, it was probably the 8th flat tire I have had over a period of 4 cars. I have driven 5 in total, but strangely enough, the little '82 Dodge Colt did not get a flat, at least while I drove it. Everything else was wrong with it, but never a flat. Anyway, in an attempt to be somewhat proactive, I got a couple of “new” all seasons put on the front of my car last Tuesday. On Friday I drove into a parking lot not 500m from where I work and got a flat tire. To top it off, it was really cold last week. My fingers were like chunks of ice by the time I was done changing it. Oh yeah, I was in boots with skinny little heels on them, so it was as if I was standing on my toes the whole time. Not so good for the calf muscles. I almost had a charlie horse in both legs. A lot, if not all, of the other people I know have never had to change a flat, or even had a flat tire for that matter. It can't be some kind of Karmic retribution thing. I mean, I think I'm generally a nice person, I'm polite, I don't get angry etc etc, so that can not be it.

Anyway, while pondering the injustice of it all, I left work early to get my flat fixed/replaced. Turns out that I had picked up a screw. I thought there was a strange vibration that morning, so it was probably slowly losing pressure, and the balance was thrown off . They replaced it for free, so that was great, but not how I wanted my Friday to go. I guess the upside to this story is that if you are ever with me in a vehicle, you know I know how to change a tire. I can do it fast too. Unless it is -15 and snowy and wet, and then I'm a bit slower. With all these flats, I have learned a few things. I have learned that there is no cell phone coverage on the Trans Canada Highway in between Lake Louise and Banff; long haul truck drivers don't stop for nothin', at least not a single woman on the side of the road trying to change a tire; old farmers eating ice cream will give you a hand even though they look frail enough to blow over in a light breeze; and the police officers in Calgary will give you a hand when it's -24 and the cheap !!@#ss tire iron your car manufacturer provides wont cut the mustard.

So there you go, if you have never had to change a tire, then you should thank me, I probably picked up your slack.